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How To Find a Dance Partner

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Y' oughta learn t'dance!

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I am looking for a competition dance partner … I have all ready gone through a number of prospects that haven't worked out for one reason or another.

I have responded to posts such as yours many times

…………………[letschacha urged:
…………………[You can say that again, about 1000 times over.
…………………[I just did…
…………………[The question is why ... Any answers out there.]

Regardless of who or what you are, the dancing you do, etc., the answer is the same:

Get your ass out on the floor! Dance with everyone! You will find beginning dancers with whom you dance well and advanced dancers with whom you dance poorly. And you'll find a broad spectrum of compatibility in between. If you have good luck, you might find a partner with whom you dance better than anyone else. If you're extremely lucky, that partner will feel the same about dancing with you.
   Since, as partners, you'll be spending a great deal of time together, all the other factors of personal relationships come into play from physical preferences to age and culture of the other. It's far more difficult to find a dance partner than a spouse.
   Don't hold your breath.

From: Icono Clast (Click to see full query):

I have posted several ads over the past year or so seeking a fem. CW competition dance partner. But so far, no luck! :-(

I have responded to posts such as yours many times with my belief that it's far easier to find and leave a spouse or three than it is to find a decent dance partner. Although I wish you luck I cannot offer optimism.

I have posted several ads over the past year or so seeking a fem. CW competition dance partner. But so far, no luck! :-(

Although there are never any guarantees, one might be able to change the odds a bit.
   Several times I have met dancers from other parts of [North America] … who express complete incredulity that there exist partner dance classes here which have a an excess of men in the M/F ratio. Instead they tell tales of large dance classes with twice as many women as men (which seems as likely in Silicon Valley as finding dragons and unicorns). Problem is that most of these places seem to be in the middle-of-nowhere.
   It seems likely that the odds of finding a compatible dance partner should improve slightly when there are more available choices. It also seems likely that the odds of finding a willing dance partner should improve when one becomes the rarer “commodity”.

Mike Corbett said:
Put yourself in a target rich location and also exhibit desirable qualities as a dance partner and you'll improve your odds quite a bit.
   Tell me again what the UCWDC is doing to attract new competitors. Where is it working?
   The answers to those questions might help too.
s/Mike Corbett - Addison TX

Trying to attract more competitors when the base social dance activity itself is not growing is at best problematical, and could possibly even be counterproductive (turn the best social dancers into competitors and thus quicken the decline of the purely social dance population?).
   [In the San Francisco Bay A]rea CW dancing seems to have been on a severe decline over the past 5 or more years … the number of places and nights where I could try taking lessons or attempt dancing CW2S socially has been getting smaller and smaller.

Of course, YMMV.
#include // only my own opinions, etc.

rhnicholson said: Around my area CW dancing seems to have been on a severe decline … places and nights [for] dancing CW2S socially has been getting smaller and smaller.

There has been a resurgence in some areas, in my experience (which is primarily limited to the West Coast gay clubs). In both San Francisco and Seattle, attendance at the local venues is up over the course of the past year. In the Seattle case, this is partly due to stabilized ownership of the Timberline and favorable press coverage, but class sizes have also doubled in the past two months.
   Historically, country music (and by extension, dancing) tends to run in about a ten-year cycle. Early 70s: Conway, Loretta, George, and Tammy. Early 80s: Kenny, Dolly. Early 90s: Garth, Alan, Reba. (And of course you have exceptions in the middles of those eras: Alabama, George Strait, Shania, etc.) If things follow, we would now be in the climbing stages of the next cycle, perhaps a little later than the 10 year range. (And let's see: the 80s was pop crossover, the 90s was New Traditionalism, the 00s will be... well, if the current trends in music are demonstrative, mushy undanceable balladry?)
   I track the peak of the 90s cycle as the popularity of the “Achy Breaky” line dance -- country clubs were advertising on radio stations that they were teaching this hot new dance, and you know that anything being touted as “hot” and “new” is a year old and cooling fast -- and the point we knew we were solidly in crash mode as the popularity of the horror known as the “Macarena”, again then being touted as “hot” and “new”.
   The dance cycle will probably trail a little behind the music cycle, but at the same time, may lead it along. (That is: dance styles may nudge country in a direction which it will then follow gung ho, and the dance styles will then get a massive popularity increase accordingly.) With the drop in country, we've had an increase in swing, first with WCS and now with NC2S and Hustle. (And isn't NC2S now coming into UCWDC comps?) We may thus see this next country cycle much more swing and rhythm oriented, with a matching shift away from other dance styles.

I'd like to date some followers but I behave like I am just dancing because of the current etiquette as I understand it. That is, don't ask personal questions when dancing.
   With that, I need some clear signals from a follower that she is interested in dating me. I say “clear” because a lot of the interaction I have dancing with followers is laughing, warm squeezes of hands, hugs after a dance or two, hugs when we first greet at a dance, lots of eye contact and talking when dancing, lots of genuine affection when talking, some compliments about dance and demeanor and more. Now, all that's a lot of encouragement that I take as ‘dancing’ because I don't want to alienate followers.
   I need clear signals for dating.

Y'oughta learn t'dance!

I've just read through a couple of threads (in forum) and am surprised at the difficulties described in finding people.
   Through a site for people trying to find a dance partner (links to two at the bottom of this page), I took out a girl. Would you presume that one at such a site knew how to dance? Well, just by what she said during dinner, I knew that she could not and, in fact, couldn't. There was nothing wrong with her other attributes but I won't bother with a woman who doesn't know how to dance. Just because my only experience was a bad one does not cause me to condemn such sites nor their participants.
   I cannot tell you the truth about my life, past or present, because even I am amazed by the success I've had. I'm not particularly good looking and am precisely the physical type women say they don't want; I am never the guy described in personal ads. A major television network touted a guy like me in a group of guys unlike me and the women watching through a one-way mirror chose everyone but him even though he was the best-educated, had the best health, health-ancestry, highest income, and greatest wealth. Even though they say they don't want the likes of me, it's proven to be false a number of times I've fondly recorded but won't reveal.
   As an illustration, however, I was the guy who, in high school, was too embarrassed to say what I was doing with girls because it couldn't compare with what the other guys said they were doing with girls. Twenty-something years later, I learned that they were lying; I didn't have to.

You know that dancing is a healthful social activity. Yes, not every­one can learn to dance as not everyone has good timing, rhythm, balance, coördination, health, stamina, and feet. But even if you can't dance, you can go to dances, sit far from the floor, and be sociable.
   Those of you who can learn to dance should!
   I don't go to Senior dances because most of them have learned to do just about everything but dance, a skill that, just as any other skill, must be learned from competent teachers. Further, attending dance classes is very inexpensive, usually fewer than ten dollars. Good teachers rotate their students. Not only is this the best way to learn, it has the incidental avantage of getting close to every other student of the opposite sex and, sometimes, some of the same sex as I'll dance as a Follower when there aren't enough in a class as will women dance as Leaders when needed.
   Through dancing I have gained the confidence to approach any woman at a bar or dance regard­less of physical attributes, age, or any other thing you care to mention. Among my regular partners is a woman about six-foot-two and probably three hundred pounds, at least twenty years younger than I, who's an absolute delight on the floor. One of my most frequent partners, a terrific Follower, was born in 1924 (2011-12 age=87).
   I dance with children as young as possibly six (hard to tell – I think Lacey Schwimmer was about that age the first time we danced), terrific teen-agers, drool-inducing women in their twenties, thrilling women in their thirties, fabulous women in their forties and fifties, sexpots in their sixties, sirens in their seventies, and elegant beauties in their eighties. I dance with Norma Miller when I see her. She'll be ninety-two in December.
   Regardless of age or personal status, the frequency of flirtation is close to constant.
   Somewhere in the forum I read about jealous “others”. Too bad; very sad. There's no place for jealousy or possessiveness in the dance world. Any person who has tendencies toward jeal­ousy or possessiveness will be extremely out of place, might cause significant problems for the ven­ue and others there. If you're a possessive or jealous type, stay away! You're an undesirable!
   Consider this: At a dance, the usual first thing we do is embrace! In some dances, that embrace results in full-body contact: Isn't that what we all want? And then some? It is George Bernard Shaw who said something like “Dancing is the vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalised by music.”
   The bars I go to, where there's music and dancing, all but overflow with unaccompaied women or women in each other's company. Many of them, most young enough to be my grandchildren, come to me to dance and talk and laugh, much hugging and kissing all the while. Men in bars often make me dance with their wives who think they can, but cannot, dance. It's all great fun; I love it!
   The behaviour's not significantly different at dances. Many years ago, a woman from another state I've never met, 21 years younger than I, spent a night in my home and, the next two nights, shared a room at a convention hotel, not at all unusual in the dance world.

LEARN TO DANCE! Go to bars, studios, ballrooms, music festivals, street fairs and anywhere else there's danceable music. You might not end up with a dinner companion or bedmate, but you'll almost certainly find someone with whom to dance!



As the title of my ad implies, I am in VERY STRONG NEED of a competition dance partner. More specifically, I am looking for a COUNTRY-WESTERN competition dance partner! I currently compete Pro-Am with my instructor on the UCWDC competition circuit. However, I would much prefer to have a "normal" partner. I would like to start competing in Div. IV or (if age eligable) “Crystal Novice.” I have been dancing for 4 & 1/2 years, and my strong dances (which I would also like to compete in) are 2-Step, ECS, WCS, Waltz & Cha-cha. I am 34 years old, and 5'10", slim, about 150 lbs. I have been getting MANY compliments, lately on my leading. & I could SURE USE a regular partner who has the desire, time, money, energy and patience to get into competition. If you contact me, I will give you my home page address, where you can see some pics of me dancing! So, LET ME HEAR FROM YOU! Then, LET'S DANCE!!! :-)
s/Peter pmfri...@*.com
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The full post From: PMFRIEDM

I have posted several ads over the past year or so seeking a fem. CW competition dance partner. But so far, no luck! :-(
   Lately, I've been considering relocating to another part of the country. But I haven't decided WHAT part yet. However, part of my consideration (believe it or not) will be the possibility and PROBABILITY of finding a competition dance partner. I've received replies in the past saying things like, “If you were only HERE, you'd have women LINING UP to be a dance partner with you!” So, I would like ALL OF YOU, CW DANCE LADIES OUT THERE to SEND ME A MESSAGE saying something to the effect that you might be interested (or that you might KNOW SOMEONE who might be interested), if I did move to your “neck of the woods.”

*Now, Just a little about me and what I am looking to do........
   I'm 35. I am an “intermediate” (by social standards) level dancer. My strong dances are 2-Step, ECS, WCS, Waltz, Cha-cha and now, starting to build up my Nightclub 2-Step. I've competed in the UCWDC a number of times -- once in Div. IV, 3 times Pro-Am Newcomer and am about to compete a 4th time in Pro-Am Newcomer at “The Big Apple.......” event. So, that gives you some idea as to the level of COMPETITION I'm at (but if possible, I'd like to compete in Crystal Novice). Oh! I am from northern NJ (in the NJ/NYC metro area). I am 5'10", about 155 lbs, slim, and I have gotten many compliments on my leading.
   I also have a personal web site, which is very “CW dance oriented,” which I will gladly show anyone out there who might be interested in an AMATEUR CW competition dance partner.
   So, I hope to hear from you, cowgirls out there!! ;-)
   **Please reply to me DIRECTLY and NOT TO THIS LIST! I will see it much sooner and faster! Thanks!
   Happy dancing, all!!
s/Peter Pmfri...@*.com
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